I don't know if it's a moon thingy going on today. Could be hormones. Could be anything really. Day's off for me can either be full of energy and love and light and more energy!! OR they can be like today... where there is a behind-the-scenes, shifty, little fucker inside my body. Do you every get that crappy ass feeling? Not like everything is bad but that my expectations of the day are not going to be met. And so it's like a pre-let down feeling. Does that make sense?
I also know to the core of my being that expectations are the cause of 💩 when we are talking feelings. And to be honest, I didn't wake up this morning with ANY intentions. Well, let's be serious. Coffee is ALWAYS an intention. But that's it. Ok. I also had/have intentions to go get groceries to make food for Shea and I. But I don't want to leave my house. Because I hate being cold 🥶. And no matter how much I bundle up and make myself warm, I do not like stepping outside of my front door.
When the weather changes to a balmy +10 as I step outside, that is when I will have no issues with going out into the world. I have always been sensitive to the cold I think. My feet froze solid in my figure skates⛸...in my ski boots 🎿 and it was frowned up to ask my instructor if I could go inside and warm up my feet. Meanwhile, I was in so much pain that I couldn't even focus on what I was doing. Hmmmm...😑. Yep, that is probably where it began for me.
So, not wanting to go outside makes me a crappy mom/wife. (I know I am neither of these things, but hey, feelings are feelings) And to be really honest... some/most days that IS the ONLY thing that forces me to go out. So that I don't get looked at as a lazy momma. I even tried the grocery delivery thing once but I didn't get the groceries I asked for so 🤷🏻♀️ Ken and Shea have volunteered to get the groceries for me so that I can just cook the lovely food because I DO LOVE cooking but that isn't fair to them either... they've just put in a day of work, going to the grocery store is not something I would want to do after working a full day.
I know that many of you... some of my close friends even, will have a hard time relating to this. I can hear them now... "just change your mindset about it Crystal." And if you know anything about me, even a smidgen, you know that mindset and perceptions are so important to me. I get it. Change the way you see going outside in the beautiful crisp, fresh air. Take in all of the beauty of the pretty white snow, the blue sky. Be thankful for your eyes that allow you to see the beauty. Be thankful for the ability to walk to your car and go buy the groceries. Etc., etc., etc.,..... I'm not looking for advice on how to change my perception. I already know how to do that. I am just looking for some relatability. Some non-judgemental 👂🏻's. Because I kinda think that I'm almost the only person that I know of that struggles with this. Or maybe I'm not? Are ye sensitive to the weather?
Like seriously, I am that person that keeps their car running while I'm in the grocery store... the idling asshole, yep, that's me. And I won't apoligize for it. Because it is something that I have to do for my mental health. I always get bugged at work because I warm my car up when it is +5 outside.
Skip the dishes is my friend. More like.... Skip the frozen snotsickles and stay inside your warm house.
Gotta go warm up the car. 🤘🏻😜