Ok. What I mean by that is that it is what it is RIGHT NOW. It's as good as it is gonna get right now. But your right now is only determined by how you are choosing to see it. Choosing to feel about it. I know. I know. I don't like it either. And as I write, I'm telling myself.. stop writing like you know the secret to life. Like you know how to do it...
I don't. But, I do get that introspection has to happen. And in order for a life to kinda/sorta go in a direction that we would like... we have to check in with ourselves. OFTEN. I spent so many years on auto pilot. I didn't even know that I could question myself. I just thought life happened "to me". And I just went along with it. Of course not in the "flow" of it. I fucking swam up stream, head down, no breaths, all the way. Although I had a soft, gentle, beautiful being inside, I felt that I had to be "strong". I had been bullied by people. I was going to say kids but I was bullied by kids and adults. Just like you all. Who escapes bullying? I don't think many people do. But my defense was to put up a "don't fuck with me" persona and I didn't realize that I had a choice. That I "chose" that reaction, that way of being. It was just automatic. It's all I knew to do. And it worked for me on some level right?
They say when you know better you do better. I believe that. But holy shit... it took me almost 30 or 40 years to figure that little nugget of wisdom out. But, that is my path. I accept that. I think.... 😉. I'm workin on it anyways.
Life is gonna happen. It's gonna always move like a train. And it will not care if you got picked last for the team. It will not care if you aren't popular. It will not care if you lost your family member. It will not care if you picked the wrong person to love. It will not care if you like the prime minister. It will not care if you struggle to have children. It will not care if you don't want the ones you have. It will not care that you don't have enough money to feed yourself. It will not care if you get raped. It will not care if you have cancer. It will not care if you hate your job. It will not care if you think you're fucking amazing. It will not care if you ate a bad sausage for breakfast... It will not care if you raised money for a charity. It will not care if you are the best at whatever job you do. It. Just. Won't. Care. It will keep running down the track. And it will run you over and blast you out of the way if you can't figure out how to jump on it. It may only maim you sometimes. You may only lose a toe or an arm. But it isn't going to stop for you. It won't stop and ask if you are ok.
Cool thing though, we DO have a choice. When the aforementioned things happen "to" us. We see them. They do their thing. There IS a reason for them. We say a soft "wtf?" to ourselves. We learn what was meant to be learned from it. And THEN, we grab onto that side handle outside the train. You know the ones... in the movies when people are running to catch the train and they grab that handle and hop on. I watch a lot of movies people. But you grab on and catch your first feeling of the easy and powerful force of the train that your are moving "with".
Of course there will be times when we get caught up in the crazy pace of life again and the conductor puts his foot in our asses and kicks us off. We fall down the hill, and roll over rocks and stumps and fungi on our way down the hill. But if you make a conscious effort to investigate the rocks and stumps and fungus that you hit on your way down you will start to slow down. Once you have come to a stop and you start to pick the shit out of your teeth and clean your eyeballs out, you will start to climb back up that hill to grab onto that train handle once more. The conductors foot in your ass and you falling to the bottom of the hill will become less and less frequent.
One day, and I believe this.. One day it will be like riding one of those high falutin passenger trains in Europe. You will be drinking Dom Perignon from a crystal glass. While a masseuse rubs you from head to toe 24 hours a day. Poutine will be served to you for every meal and you will not gain a single pound. All of the everything will happen on that train that you want to happen. And the blips in life will barely be noticeable anymore. Because... Because you have chosen to ride with life. Instead of fighting it. Oh, the blips will still happen. The train is still running but you have chosen to go with it. Because you have figured out that to go with life is much easier than being run over.
This does not mean that we don't stand up for what we believe is true for ourselves and our well being. Doing so, is removing a rock or a fungus that we don't hit on our way down. We remove them so that the climb up is easier.
So, all of this to say Life does not get any better. YOU do. Life is what it is. YOU choose to respond to it so that you can feel peace and love, however that may be for you. But you have to choose. Life happens but you decide how to flow with it. You do have power. You have ALL of the power.
Also, I'm not saying to try to avoid feeling the not so fun feelings that come with the train. Feel them. And ride with them. Then put your foot in their ass and kick them off when you're done with them. Now you are the conductor.
Love you all ❤️
*Her name is Cream. I couldn't steal her. Columbian prison's are not my jam.