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Dear Diary, Jan 2/85

Did I ever get lots for Christmas. I got a ski-suit, ski-boots, dress boots, dress shoes and pants, skirt and 2 nightgowns from my mom and dad some of it I got before Christmas. And I got a book of life savers and a ring and little hearts that stick on your face from Celine. And a condo sweater and a pair of pajama's from grandma and grandpa Tardif and sticker stuff from grandma and grandpa Larson a shirt from Nathan and a shirt and collectable erasers from Iona. And a shirt from Lance and Anne. I got a housecoat and a silk hanging moon from Vanessa. A puzzle from Uncle Lyle and collectable erasers from Sandy and Brian and a little pink bear with perfume on it. And in my stocking I got the tape star collection. And little bell earrings with a chinese case, and writing paper and little paper clips with hearts and stuff on the ends and socks and shoelaces with little birds on them and oh I forgot I got 10 carrot gold earrings from Mary and Dennis. And this pen from Nicole. I got lots of earrings from people and in my stocking. I got a tape case for holding your tapes from Auntie Shannon. I babysat Jamie and Shaye on New Years Eve till 5:00 in the morning. I got 25$. Boy was I spoiled this Christmas! Well I'll tell you the rest next time we meet again.

Love Crystal


I remember those paper clips with the hearts on them and the shoelaces with the birds on them so well.

I was inspired to write today because of an account that I follow on Instagram @findingawareness. He was talking about drifts. I'm not going to go into detail but if you are interested in finding peace in life, it's a good account to follow.

From what I understood, drifts are keys to finding your true purpose in life. It's a direction that you are moving in when you are still. The things you like to do that don't feel like you are putting any effort into them and they just feel good. The things you do when you are feeling no stress.

For me, it's writing this blog. And it doesn't matter if 1 person reads it or 20 people read them. I enjoy it.

I'm not an expert in anything. I'm not the best at my job. I'm not the fastest runner. I'm not the funniest person in the world. I'm not a rockstar.

What I am though, is a soul that wants to ride this rollercoaster of a life. And I like to talk about it. I obviously have loved journalling since a young age. I love writing things down. When I was little it was so that I could look into the past when I got older.... 😉. I am so glad that I did! Not only do my family and friends make little connections or have"aha... that's why she does/did that" when they read the blogs but I do as well. It's therapeutic for me. I think it's safe to say that anyone who journals will agree with me on the therapy thing.

This life is so chalk full of interesting bits and I love sharing my bits 😂. I don't want to be secretive. I don't want things about my life to be hidden because of shame. The thoughts I put out on here are from the moment... from THAT moment. The next day I could feel the opposite of what I wrote but that is real life and that is what I like in other people. I like to connect with people that are real and authentic. People that don't have anything to hide. People that are not scared to be themselves. People that wear the bright makeup that others would judge clownish, the people that wear the crop shirts that other people may judge a bad fashion decision, the people that wear no clothes! that other people may judge bat-shit crazy, the people who say what they feel about some particular thing (cough,cough) covid that other people would judge being uninformed, the people that love to drink wine and have meaningful conversations around a fire that other people may judge alcoholics and "too deep", the people that spontaneously do amazing things (like move to Spain 😉) that other people may judge as restlessness and discontentment. Because when we talk about EVERYTHING people connect. People do not feel alone. People feel like they aren't the only crazy fuckers out there.

I could go on and on about the people I gravitate towards.... Ima switch it up now though.

I aim to be myself when I wake up in the mornings. Sometimes the crusty ol' brain gets to it first though and I get caught up in the same ol' rerun of the day before and the day before that. Not taking the moments and really letting them soak in. But I do, like everyone else, have "ways" I would like to be. I would really really love it if I could feel peace 100% of the rest of my days. And I really think that is possible. I'm getting there. I would love to be in the best possible health for my age and body. But health to me is not just physical body health but mental health too. I believe you need both to be optimally healthy. And that may include having wine and poutine once in while because it's good for my health.

Shame has no business being in this body. And "I" decide if it's gonna stay or go. The unconscious me lets it stay for a sleepover once in a while but the conscious me says "Get the fuck out"👉🏻🥾

Shame cannot be present when we have feelings of peacefulness. Anyways... I either need to have a nap or get on the treadmill now. So, have a great shameless day everyone!!

K. Gotta go decide... nap? treadmill? 🤘🏻😜🤘🏻

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