Dear Diary, February 18, 1985

We started gymnastics in school today. It's not bad. We had our first weight lifting club meeting today. It was hard work. Mom started her ladies day again. Tomorrow is the mother and daughter banquet. Me and Mom have to be co-mistresses. That's when we have to introduce everybody. It'll be fun. And we also have a supper. I'm in the highest group in gymnastics in school. I don't think I'll go to gymnastics instead of pathfinders. I like pathfinders alot. We go lots of places. And do lots of things.

Love Crystal

After a pot of coffee☕️, some human interaction with Shea ❤️, some Subway ala Skipthedishes and dancing in my kitchen 🕺🏻... I feel good. It was a busy shift yesterday at the ol' QEII. Like the kind where your partner gives you a long hug when it's done and you both sincerely congratulate each other for getting through it. I had plans of getting in my car and driving to the liquor store to purchase some liquid calm, and enjoy it in a warm bath 🛀🏻 but I was so in my head thinking back through the whole day that I drove straight home and vented to Ken for a few minutes and sat down to watch Yellowstone... watching other people's pain numbed mine.... LOL!!! To go back to the drive home, it was like when the cowboy comes back to the ranch slumped over on his horse, probably dead, and has only gotten there because the horse knows the way home... My brain being the horse.

Thanks to my partner Rikki yesterday because we are both kinda the same in regards to how we like our days to run. Like is this a "FREAK OUT" moment? or more like a 🤷🏻‍♀️ it is what it is moment? To be honest, Rikki and I tend to gravitate to the 🤷🏻‍♀️ side. Throughout the day, my freak out face would slowly start to creep up 😦 and she would settle it down and vice versa.... It's not so easy being partners at work, man. For 12 hours it is you and another person taking care of your 12 patients. And, nurses all come with their own personalities! Go figure!!!!! Not everyone has the same game plan of how the day should play out or how to take care of people and situations.

There are days, when it flows ⛲️.... the person you are partnered with is one of your favs (yes, fist pump), you have had A break, co-workers are not freaking the fuck out, you have managed to make sure everyone ate, there is no covid, someone brought yummy snacks, you have enough staff, you had time to actually help the other nurses, you pee'd, a patient's family member said something kind, you have had a few moments of laughter, you have made it to the end of the shift without any 😬 moments, (I'm not sure if that one has ever happened, though lol). We all have to work with people everyday. Unless you don't. I don't know, maybe there are some humans who can make money from their homes and do not have to interact with people but I doubt it. We all work with people. But it sure does make life easier when you can flow with them, right?

There are times when vibes don't match. Normal. When that happens, sometimes I get caught up in my ego, which tells me that I want/need to be right. Little fucker. During those times I don't even see myself spinning down into the abysmal depths 🚽 🧻. But, I am now able to catch myself earlier from slipping down those slippery poop pipes. Do you know what I like to use to get myself back to my Self? Kindness. When I say something kind to someone, it immediately lifts my mood. But, the key is that the words have to be genuine. People innately know when you are blowing smoke up their ass. They do. I do. So I don't do that to people. And I LOVE it when someone says something kind to me!! WHO DOESN'T? Don't you just love to see the look in someone's eyes when you have just hit that sweet spot inside of them? 👀❤️✨

We all just want to have a good day. Even when you witness people struggling HARD, they too, just want to have a good day. They don't want to be an asshole. They don't wake up in the morning, put their feet on the floor, stretch and then read their Affirmations for Assholes off of their bathroom mirror. The only reason someone likes to be an asshole is because it gives them a momentary hit of power, of adrenaline. But like a drug, it wears off and the only way they can feel that power again is to be an asshole again. If I'm being honest, I've hit that a few times... More times than I like to admit.

Anyways, this is all to say that, if the person I work with that day, is an asshole.... I have the power to not fall into the crappy abyss myself, but not only that, I can show kindness to that person. And sometimes, it helps the day to flow better, sometimes it doesn't. But, I come home knowing that I did my best to create a good day for myself and people around me. And also, ladies that I work with, if you are saying kind things to me now, I'm gonna know that I'm being an asshole..... LOL!

And hey, EVERYONE has been an asshole. You have. I have. And if you feel that you have not been a part of the asshole train, I would really like to know your secrets. 😂 I'm sure even Yoda was an asshole.

K. Gotta go to get my hair cut! 🤘🏻😝🤘🏻