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I don't want to know myself....

Bet this caught yer attention?


Had a thought come across my constantly racing mind this morning... and as this one was flying by I put the brakes on and grabbed it like Mr. Miyagi grabbed that fly. Now I feel like analyzing it a bit. Cuz I analyze. That's what I do.


There are many ideas floating around on how to win at life. And whatever one catches your attention most likely will be coinciding with how this moment in your life is playing out. One of the schools of thought that has grabbed mine is the one that says life will be grand if you know yourself. So today, I stopped and asked myself.... why? Why do I want to know myself? I don't want to. Because I think we change constantly. Like every damn fricken second. My feelings on things and thoughts on things change ON THE DAILY. I don't know about you guys. AND.... I don't want to know myself because then that would mean that I won't keep myself open to other possibilities of being. When we talk about knowing ourselves I think most of us think of the words we have labelled ourselves with. Good or bad, they are still labels. I have decided something about myself that is now stamped in concrete. I think when you say you "know" something about yourself, you stop growing. I think it says to yourself that you have made a decision about something about yourself, like 'I analyze' 🤭. So then you make that part of "who you are". But maybe tomorrow I don't want to analyze. Maybe tomorrow I want to run with the flow of whatever the fuck happens tomorrow. NO analyzing. So then what? Can I flow when I have decided that I am not a flow person? Because I just told myself yesterday that I am an analyzer. I believe when you say things like that to yourself and you make it a part of your "thing", you leave NO room or possibility for a different "way" of 'being' to come up. You kind of pigeon hole yoself.. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You have been that way for 20 years, and everyone knows you that way and it's comfortable. YOU CAN BE ANY WAY YOU WANT TO BE!!!!!!! Sometimes we don't question our labels. And putting labels on ourselves is NOT knowing ourselves. Those are just habits and ways of being that we have left unquestioned.


All of the ups, downs, sideways, diagonals, back 50 steps, forward 51 steps, falling, flying high... all of that is what makes my life so beautiful. And it is beautiful. Even when I am complaining about my job or have a hangover. It is all part of my wonderful story here on earth. It is my path. But I hope a new me wakes up every morning. One that doesn't just run automatically on the things that I "know" about myself. That's what I mean. And tbh, my mornings are more on autopilot these days. The things I "know" about myself seem to run the show. Five weeks of waking up every morning with meditation and no plans for the day is lovely but makes it hard to keep up with the inner work.


I get that it is nice to know things about yourself that make life easier and more comfortable. For example, "I like poutine alot". This makes it easier for me when we go to restaurants and I can't find anything on the menu that I like... because they usually have some version of poutine. BINGO.


Jk.. 😉. But not jk'ing.


I think that way of thought is HIGHLY overrated. I say BE SOMEONE NEW EVERY DAY!!!! Let the morning wake you up with a feeling of freshness and a sense of excitement because you can think and feel any way you want to! You can leave all of the crap from yesterday, the day before, last week, last month, last year... hell all of the crap that happened when you were 2! You can leave it all behind. You don't have to wake up with it every. damn. morning. What if you could wake up every morning and feel full of excitement for the day ahead? *Disclaimer* 👉🏻 I know that it is possible. I'm not saying I've done it. But my being knows it is possible. I "know" it.


You CAN leave all of the labels and everything you think you know about yourself behind you. It's so simple that it's hard. But life thus far has led us all to this rat race pace of life. Of always striving for tomorrow or next month or next year when "something" will finally happen and we will feel ABSOLUTELY BLISSFUL AND EXCITED TO FINALLY BE HERE!


Life IS what it is. It always has been and always will be. But "I" and only "I" can change my opinions of it. Which means that I don't want to think I know something about myself, I just want to be able to make decisions every moment that bring the light that I am, that we ALL are, up and OUT!


Also, in the midst of making decisions every second, I also have the ability to give myself grace and kindness when the decisions I make are not in alignment with my being. Cuz that shits gonna happen, no doubt. As I am writing, I am eating pretzel crisps with hummus and a chaser of Bublé water. Not, the most nutritious thing. But not the worst. I just gave myself grace 😇


OK. Feel what I'm about to say..... FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL IT. Close your eyes and feel it please.


You can let go. If these sound like some labels you have given yourself, let them go... start new today.


Let go if you have ever been told or tell yourself that you are:


A bitch. Too sensitive. Oversensitive. Unkind. Dumb. Unintelligent. Cold. Insensitive. Ugly. Fat. Thin. Slut. Whore. Frigid. Asshole. Tough. Strong. Weak. Incapable. Angel. Wise. Stupid. Loser. Hopeless. Selfish. Unworthy. Poor. Successful. Unsuccessful. Wealthy. Stylish. Soft. Easy. Moody. Inconsistent. Lazy.


I know you will notice that I put some labels/"knowings" in there that you might have a problem with. Maybe because you're striving to become that thing and you think you're not. Ugh.. expectations. That's another blog.... Which also makes the letting go of that even more important. (Because you are, and you might not believe me, but you are already all of the things you want to be, you just have so many layers of shite covering it all up) Or maybe you have the "successful" label/knowing tattooed to your forehead but it is so hard to maintain because what will people think if you are not "successful" anymore? What if you lose your job? You may say to yourself 'I will no longer be successful so I need to stay in this job that I hate. But I'm successful 😉' Strong is another. Everyone has different perceptions of strong. If it means to you that you have been through so much SHIT in your life and everyone commends you on it and it becomes part of how people see you, that you just keep going and trudging through the shit are you are strong? Maybe the perception of being strong is really a mask for someone who just wants to fucking break down and cry and stop being so strong... but they've been told and tell themselves that this is a label that they are. Their "knowing" that they are strong is keeping them from growing. In my own opinion, the people that can ask for help are the strongest. So much on this label... it's for another blog another day.


What I'm talking about here is using labels to "know yourself". Of course the true meaning of knowing yourself cannot be explained because it is a feeling, a sense that is indescribable. One person would not be able to describe their knowing to another and vice versa. And I think that is what most of the books/teachings are trying to get at. But I also think that has been lost in the translation. "Knowing" yourself is not the same as knowing yourself..... 😘


Bahahahahahaha 😂


K that is enough..... I KNOW that I need to stop.








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jadchase
jadchase
Mar 15, 2023
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Love you banana. Grace & kindness indeed ❤️

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crystalgoosney
crystalgoosney
Mar 15, 2023
Replying to

Love you! Lots of grace happening over here on the daily. Should remember to do it more often but getting better ❤️‍🩹

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I guess part of knowing yourself would be knowing you are forever changing And knowing you are open to that.

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crystalgoosney
crystalgoosney
Mar 15, 2023
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Yep. Life is so awesome. Even when it’s not.

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